


I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe

by 5sosismylifee



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton's POV, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sadness, self harm (in the past)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:58:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5sosismylifee/pseuds/5sosismylifee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comfort fic in Ashton's POV<br/>there's like one mention of self harm, but I didn't think the reference was big enough to be put as a trigger. If i'm wrong, I apologize profusely.<br/>yeah that's about it lol<br/>hope you like? :3</p>
            </blockquote>





	I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Guys it's not a Calum fic this time! lol  
> Just feelin the feels lately so yeah  
> also this is in Ashton's POV if you didn't know already

You hear the door to your apartment open, and you smile, knowing that your girlfriend, Y/N, has just arrived home. "Hey sweetie!" you shout, not looking up from your phone. She's earlier than you expected her, but you aren't complaining. That is, until you hear it.  
"Ashton!" her broken voice yelps.  
You whip your head around to find her crumpled on the ground in front of the open door, sobbing. You immediately run to her, getting on the ground and wrapping your arms around her shaking form.  
"shhh, shh" you tell her, carefully stripping away her wet raincoat and her purse.  
"It's ok, I'm here baby" you say, taking off her boots and shutting the door.  
"everything's gonna be ok" you remind her. You know not to push her for answers just yet, focusing on making her comfortable. You continue to hold her, rocking back and forth slightly as she curls into your chest. You press light kisses into her hair, whispering comforting things. After about 5 minutes of this, her crying is slowing down and she is starting to wipe away her tears. She looks up at you with puffy, bloodshot eyes.  
"Are you ready to tell me what happened, beautiful?" You ask her, kissing her forehead.  
She nods, and you carry her to the bedroom and set her down on the bed. She sits there, staring blankly, tears continuing to run down her face. You turn away from the scene, grabbing some random pajamas out of her dresser and putting them in her lap. You leave the room to let her change, and stand with your back to the door, listening for some kind of sign that she's done. When you hear a small "ok", you reenter the room to find Y/N in one of your cut up Nirvana shirts and a pair of sweatpants, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. You sit criss-crossed on the bed, pulling her to sit in between your legs with her back to your chest.  
"Ok" she starts, as you begin to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. Well, technically it's your shirt, but she wears it so much it's practically hers by now.  
"So you know how *sniffle* how I did a radio interview today?" She says, resting her head on your shoulder. You nod, feeling concerned.  
Y/N goes to a lot of interviews, and they're not because she's dating a member of 5sos. Y/N is a famous youtuber. She does makeup and hair tutorials, but also does skits and impressions. She has 2 million subscribers, and that number is only going up.  
"Well..." she says, biting her lip. "In this one they wanted me to "confront the haters", like you guys did that one time..."  
oh no, you think, as you nod in understanding.  
"Well, this one person on Twitter was saying how I-" she choked a little bit on her own sobs, and you held her closer, trying to hold back tears of your own. You had to be strong for her.  
"It's ok, you know that I love you" you tried to comfort her, but she just cried even more at your words, covering her face with her hands.  
"Do you?" She got out through the sobs, and your heart dropped into your stomach and shattered simultaneously.  
"They told me that I didn't deserve you, and they said you are going to leave me, and that-" She kind of wails. The words are tumbling out, along with a strangled sobbing sounds that makes you feel like someone is stabbing you over and over again.  
"Oh, Y/N..." you say, silently crying now.  
"they said you didn't love me" She whispers, and just that one sentence shatters your heart for the second time that evening.  
"Oh, baby..." you whisper, holding onto her as she rode out her sobs. You continued crying, appalled that someone could say such terrible things about the light of your life.  
"And that's not even the worst part" she continues, and she sounds a little crazy. "I believed them, Ashton." She says with regret. "I thought it was true, with the way you take care of me all the time, and the way that I'm so clingy, and I feel like I rely on you too much, a-and..." She trails off, shrinking into your chest again.  
You feel very responsible for this, for not making her feel more loved. You can't rat on yourself right now, though. You need to fix things.  
You turn her around. You are both sitting criss cross now, knees touching. You lift her chin with one finger and look into her eyes.  
"None of that is true" you tell her very seriously. "Absolutely none of it. I love you, and I know that I always will. I love you more than anything in the world, and without you my life would be terrible. I know that you have trouble with people lying to you and leading you on-" you say, gently taking her wrists and turning it over to reveal the fading white scars there. You press butterfly kisses to each of them, looking up at her the whole time. "But I would, no, could never do that." you keep hold of her hands, rubbing them gently with your thumb. She looks down at your entwined fingers in awe, then looks back up at you. "They said that you don't deserve me? If anything, I don't deserve you. You've made my life so much better, and I can't thank you enough. One day, I hope to thank you by putting a ring on your finger. right here." You say, wiggling her ring finger on her left hand a little bit, making her giggle quietly and blush. "But until that day, all I can give you is my word. I promise, from now on, that I will make you feel loved-" you pause, kissing her nose. "cherished-" a kiss to her forehead, "and happy" You softly kiss her lips, trying to convey all your emotions in one action. "I'm so sorry" she whispers when you break apart. "I'm so sorry for doubting you, even for a second, it's just that when they read it to me, I'd felt that way before, and it wasn't a feeling I was proud of, so it just brought out all these thoughts that I didn't like, and..." She trailed off, hugging you tightly. "Thank you so much" She whispers into your ear. "I love you".  
"I'm never going to leave you, Y/N. Never. I love you." You say to her. "I hope you can see that now?" She nods vigorously, and you smile at her. "good" you whisper. "wanna watch a movie?" she nods again, and you get up to pick out a movie. You choose Finding Nemo, deciding that something innocent and funny would be good right about now. You slip the disk into the player and turn on the tv, sliding under the covers with Y/N. She curls into your side, and your arm is draped across her shoulders.  
"Ash?" she says quietly about half way into the movie. You look over at her sleepy figure, stifling a yawn yourself. "Hmm" you respond, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.  
"Were you serious earlier, about us getting married someday?" she asks, and you smile.  
"Of course, angel" you tell her.  
"mmm" she says, smiling now. "That sounds nice."  
"You would look absolutely beautiful in white" You ponder, smoothing her hair back from her face. "With a pretty veil over your head" you add, now just thinking out loud.  
She grins up at you. "you think?" she asks. "Well, you look pretty in anything" you tell her, and It's true. She's the most beautiful person you've ever seen.  
"I love you so much" You tell her, and she smiles, biting her lip. "really?" she says, and you put on a smirk. "I love you to the moon" you say, kissing her sweetly, "and back again" you continue, kissing her again, "and to the moon again" you continue the process until she's a giggling mess, and soon you are as well. You kiss her one more time, just for good measure, before pulling away for real this time. She whines at the loss of contact before long, though, so you're back to kissing until you've run out of breath, and just a little bit more than that, before settling down to watch what remained of the movie.  
When you know she's just about to fall asleep, and the credits are just about to finish rolling, and the tv is just about to turn off from lack of activity, you whisper to the love of your life:  
"Goodnight, future Mrs. Irwin"  
You get one last smile out of her before she falls asleep, and you snap a picture of that smile, deciding that it's your favorite picture of her.

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus Christ this turned into a wedding fic i'm so sorry
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Leave a comment/kudos if you liked it, also check out my other works if you're feelin it (they're all 5sos so far i kind of have a problem)  
> ~5sosismylifee


End file.
